What are some funny and smart quotes?

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

Can you tell me something about yourself?

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

Anne Wojcicki’s nonprofit reaches deal to acquire 23andMe - TechCrunch

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

Is anyone else losing complete respect for the US at this point?

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”